Opening Up – required reading by Tristan Taormino
About four years ago, when I first started exploring non-monogamy, I was directed towards the now-famous book “The Ethical Slut”, written by Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy (who was writing under the name Catherine Liszt). After devouring it in one sitting, it changed the way I thought about love and relationships, honesty and communication. Since that time, I’ve ended up recommending it or loaning my copy to many of my friends who have approached me with questions about opening up their relationships. I’ve re-purchased the book three times, as I’ve given away older copies to people who I think needed it more than I, at the time.
After finishing Tristan Taormino’s “Opening Up” tonight, I have a feeling the copy of “The Ethical Slut” that’s sitting on my bookshelf will be the last one I’ll have to purchase. “Opening Up” has become my new resource, and I cannot wait to hand it off to the first lucky person who asks me where they should look for more information & clarity about non-monogamy. I have a feeling this is a book that’s going to be in very high rotation.
“Opening Up” explores the multiple forms non-monogamy can take, with a clear and concise outline of each form pulling from actual interviews of practitioners of each style. From partnered non-monogamy to polyamoury to swinging, and even including such difficult to discuss dynamics as mono/poly relationships (where one partner is polyamorous and the other is monogamous) and BDSM power-based relationships, the information she gives out is easily accessible and immediately helpful to anyone trying to find out where, in fact, they fit in this often muddy non-monogamy spectrum. Information on safer sex practices, dealing with children, connecting with communities of support, legal ramifications of being out in a multi-parent or partnered relationship, managing jealousy – Tristan covers it all.
This is a book I would be happy to give to my urban-dwelling sex geeks; Tristan writes in a voice that is recognizable and welcoming to anyone whose idea of non-monogamy doesn’t involve the word “commune”. It obviously owes a lot to The Ethical Slut – as we all do, really – but takes the concepts and philosophies found there and introduces them to a new audience looking for a different way in to the exploration of themselves and all the different ways they can love. For any statistician sex-geeks out there (and I know at least one…maybe two…) Tristan supplies a breakdown of her interviewees responses in an appendix, not to mention a very thorough bibliography and online resource guide.
This is the book I can see playing a very important part in helping people redefine the meaning of relationships in the future.
