(control) says:
no. you’re not nor have you ever been submissive to me.
I know this ‘cos I have played with people who have been
who are
you’re a bottom but that is rather different

m. says:
So there really hasn’t been moments where I have been submissive, ever?  Really?
bottoming, yes.

(control) says:
I honestly cannot recall one.
even when I was really beating the hell out of you

m. says:
hm.

(control) says:
you weren’t submissive at all

m. says:
I agree.

(control) says:
do YOU feel like you’ve subbed to me ever?

m. says:
I think so – around the time we started seeing each other.
there were moments but very few.
unless I’m getting them confused with bottoming.

(control) says:
might be
like, you let me play with you
use you sometimes
but the power exchange isn’t the same.

m. says:
using – wouldn’t that be you doming?

(control) says:
you get joy, I think, out of the sensation of being used more than the willingness and drive and instinct to surrender

m. says:
truth.
okay, that clears it up a bit.

(control) says:
the thing is, the terms are fluid.
or they are used as such
bottom/sub/slave
but they are not the same at all
I would say you’re a strong masochistic bottom
who might be a switch for the right person

m. says:
for me, being used by you is subing.  Because I do things with you that I wouldn’t do with anyone else…because I’m not willing to surrender to them.
I’ve allowed you to use me.  That’s definitely not something I do with anyone else.
masochistic bottom – that’s probably the most accurate description I could think of so far.

(control) says:
it seems right.
but I do get what you mean about subbing to me
I still think there’s a difference
somewhere in there
I wonder if the letting me use you is more connected to the masochistic part
as its the best way to get the feelings you want

m. says:
well, for me, it’s subbing – but by definition in its true sense, I probably haven’t ever been submissive.

(control) says:
I get you.

11:37
(control): …by playing rugby?

11:38
Amanda: haha. strange isnt it?

11:38
(control): a bit.

11:38
Amanda: rugby is more about the rush…
and getting beaten is sort of the price you pay..
but the good thing is…if you get tackled hard by someone then you are angry..and play better…

11:39
(control): makes sense.

11:39
Amanda: i don’t feel like you are sincere

11:39
(control): it does make sense, though

11:39
Amanda: i dont think i could sit and just take a beating. but when its war,,,,its different

11:40
(control): i think for some people it’s like that, when they just take one
they’re not just taking it, they’re fighting it
and fighting their own instincts to move, to avoid

11:41
Amanda: hmm. never thought of it like that

11:41
(control): at the same time as they’re eroticizing the pain itself, they’re eroticizing TAKING the pain
the eroticization of endurance.

11:42
Amanda: so its not actually the pain that they like? its the idea behind it kindda?

11:43
(control): no, it’s both
but I think they play off of eachother
i had a scene with a partner of mine where I basically beat the shit out of her
she was all kinds of bruised and battered
and she was fighting me the whole time, saying “is that all you got?”

11:47
Amanda: wowza..

11:48
(control): her ass was black and blue.

11:48
Amanda: do you try to keep it where clothes can cover?

11:49
(control): yes.

11:49
Amanda: otherwise its fair game?

11:50
(control): pretty much – but that was a very specific mood, she wanted to get beat like that
she was asking for it, pretty specifically

11:51
Amanda: what did you beat her with?

11:51
(control): my hands, my leather strap, and my acrylic cane

11:51
Amanda: acrylic cane? good lord.

11:52
(control): hotness.

11:53
Amanda: you’re pretty intense eh?

11:53
(control): i can be.
it’s not all the time, but it does show up every once in a while.

11:54
Amanda: no kiddin.

11:55
(control): again, it’s only when its requested.

11:57
Amanda: fair enough.

11:58
(control): but when it is? hoo boy.
fun times.