Third time’s the charm! And no, it’s not an April Fool’s prank. Once again, the GrUE – Graydancer’s Ropetastic Unconference Extravaganza – returns to Toronto, this April 2nd and 3rd at Goodhandy’s.

The GrUE is an unconference that Graydancer has facilitated around the US and Canada, giving people of kink a chance to come together in a non-mediated way and discuss issues they themselves find important and compelling. The best and clearest explanation of the structure of a GRUE and what you can expect from attending can be found in Graydancer’s article, “The Care & Feeding of a GRUE”. More information about GrUEs can be found at the official website, www.grue.me as well as on FetLife in The GrUEp.

While the GrUE is technically “Graydancer’s Ropetastic Unconference Extravaganza”, the important word in that is Unconference, not “Graydancer” and not even “Ropetastic.” While some of the activities and classes are indeed ropetastic, the classes, discussions, and activities are determined by what the people attending are passionate about. That means a lot more than rope. Gender issues, D/s dynamics, edge play, erotica, photography, polyamory, electrical play and more have all been part of past GrUEs. There’s room for it all at the GrUE!

Interested in attending? Click here to purchase tickets!

“GrUE seemed to have that kind of “in way deeper than I signed up for” coupled w/ I wish everything was this rewarding sort of experience. I will attend any others in my area.” – Dermestid on FetLife

“i hadn’t experienced such a sense of intimacy with so many strangers, ever before. there are many in my personal network that will feel the ripple effect, as i am strengthened, validated and further intrigued in the wake of this event.” – Stella_Semiauto on FetLife

“…the community and the shared experience that the GrUE facilitated was nothing short of beautiful.” – Sascha on FetLife

“I’m going to go out on a limb and say I actually have learned more at these two events than all the other cons combined that I’ve attended.” – MasterMackJB on FetLife

ToroGrU3 Meet & Greet
Friday, April 1st, 7pm – 9pm
Location: TBA
Cost: Free
Restrictions: Licensed public venue

ToroGru3
Saturday, April 2nd, 9:00am – 6pm (Doors open at 8:30am)
Location: Goodhandy’s, 120 Church St., Toronto
Cost: $35.00 for just the GrUE, $45.00 for GrUE and the afterparty
Restrictions: No photography except by official GrUE-designated photographers. Other restrictions to be discussed on the day. Entry to Goodhandy’s for ages 19+ only.

ToroGrU3 Play Party at Northbound Leather Fetish Night
Saturday, April 2nd, 9pm – 2am
Location: Goodhandy’s, 120 Church St. Toronto
Cost: Included in the $45.00 GrUE ticket. $5 – 15$ if purchased separately from a GrUE ticket.
Restrictions: Regular rules of Northbound Leather Fetish Night will be enforced

Post-GrUE Recovery Pancakes
Sunday April 3rd, 10am – 2pm
Location: Goodhandy’s, 120 Church St., Toronto
Cost: Included in the price of a GRUE Ticket
Restrictions: No photography except by official GRUE-designated photographers. Other restrictions to be discussed on the day. Entry to Goodhandy’s for ages 19+ only.

Come.

This Sunday from 12pm to 3pm I’ll be tying at a special Keyhole Sessions event, a very unofficial PWYC aspect of the Queen West Art Crawl. We’ll be working in 15 minute segments, two or three models on stage at a time. Should be fun. Drop by to get a taste of what we do weekly at The Keyhole Sessions.

Photo of Nymph Suicide, courtesy of D. Sample and shot at Girls on Film II

I just want to say for the record that I DID NOT POSE FOR THIS IMAGE. That’s just another bald rigger in a black t-shirt with a black cuff on his wrist.

Thanks to The Madame for sending this my way.

My new rope case!
I’d had this idea in my head for a while before I finally got it together to make it a reality. I think of this as being a test version, a first draft. If I like it enough, I can see myself investing in a new case and spending a bit more time on the design & aesthetic. For now, this works.
I bought an old electric guitar hardcase from craigslist, screwed some hooks into the frame of the case on top and the lower edge of an internal shelf on the bottom half. The hooks give me enough storage for at least 4 15′-30′ bundles in the top half and at least 4 30′-50′ bundles in the bottom half. When it’s open it’s free-standing, which means I don’t have to dig through a bag to find the length I need. I can grab & unhook it quickly.
I still need to figure out how & where to be able to attach my suspension ring, and probably a couple of carabiners and safety shears as well.
Obviously this isn’t something I’d carry around on a day-to-day basis, or even if I was just carrying a bit of rope somewhere for casual play. It was more made with performances or workshops in mind, something where I’d like the gear I’m using to give whatever it is I’m doing a little extra kick. There’s also the fun part of when people see me carrying the case and ask, “What you got in there, a guitar?” I can just look at them and say, “No.” And leave them thinking…

A little more than a year ago I bought a day on the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar. And a little less than a year ago I changed that day to today.

- – -

My father died a year ago today. Sometime in the morning – I’m not sure exactly when. I don’t think anyone knows exactly when he died, only when he was finally declared dead. That happened in an ambulance, in my parents’ driveway. I like to think my mother was in the ambulance with him, while they worked to keep him breathing.

And at the same time I like to think she wasn’t, that she didn’t actually have to watch them work hard and focused, and that she didn’t have to actually watch him go. That she was sitting in the living room, being taken care of by the friends who rushed to her aid that morning. The same friends who called me, just after I walked into work, and told me that I should come home, and head straight to the hospital, as soon as I could make it.

I put the mug I was holding down, walked back to my desk, grabbed my bag and was out the door in under a minute. I didn’t run, I didn’t even rush. I just moved, with purpose. I don’t remember talking to anyone, but I must have told someone where I was going. My absence wasn’t commented on. I walked out of the building and realized I had no money for bus fare. I walked to a nearby convenience store, bought a pack of gum and got change for the subway. Still, not rushing. Just moving.

On the subway I looked out the window at the grey dark tunnel and didn’t think about much. I hit Union station with more than enough time to buy a ticket and get on the next train to Oakville. As I was buying my ticket my phone rang again. It was my mother’s friend, the one who was with her, telling me to not bother to go to the hospital, to just come home.

- – -

I wrote about my father being sick a while back, here, and how it affected some of my thoughts on my identity, my public face, and the direction I want my life to take. At the time I wrote,

Things going on in my life right now make hiding any part of myself, especially a part that has given me and continues to give me so much, self-destructive and self-denying to a truly upsetting degree. To continue to spend even the smallest amount of energy in any kind of masking is counter productive to the point of insanity.

I wasn’t sure what I wanted to post today, considering this is the day that a lot of new people might be coming to visit the site, seeing the link on the calendar and clicking through. I wasn’t sure if I was going to write about rope, or about sex, or non-monogamy – the challenges and rewards of all of them. I thought about posting a picture, something fun and sexy and ropey. But you know when I thought about all of those things they didn’t feel right. All that stuff, that’s deeper in the blog. What made sense was to refer back to that old post, and that quote above, and realize (even just for myself) that my focus has not changed. If anything, this past year has sharpened it. Sharpened it and made me realize what an amazing supportive caring community I’ve found myself a part of, both here and abroad. I’ve felt very taken care of over this past year, and this year I plan thanking those who had a hand in that.

For now I’m going to make myself another coffee, sit by my window, enjoy the breeze and miss my father. Someday, I’m sure – not in the near future, but down the road a spell – this day won’t be so full of sadness. It’ll be a late July summer day that I’ll try to fill with as much life as I can.

But today, today is only one year out. As I write this, one year ago, I was on a GO train heading into Oakville, having just got off the phone with my mother, telling me dad was gone. I wrote this almost immediately after hanging up.

     upon waking, this Grief
     like a thick water-filled stone
     sits and eats my breath